A little back story: Tuesday night, my husband was taking goofy pictures of the boys on his iphone in the living room while I was preparing dinner. But, the last picture, instead of showing Henry a picture of himself, he said "look here's your picture" and flashed Golum up instead. Much to my husband's surprise, Henry was petrified, which then snowballed into a heart-breaking cry when it was time to turn out the lights for bed. Between cries Henry would say, "Mommy.... can you lay with me all night? Don't leave me." I knew I was in for trouble. Thankfully, he only got up once at 4:30 am and we just let him crawl in bed with us. And.... of course it happened to be a rest day from running for me. No extra sleep. Go figure. Anything for our kids.. right??? But, this extra cuddle time consoling little Hank got me thinking....
The marathon is MY GOLUM!
I am scared to death to run a marathon. Yet, it's ALL I think about. I.AM.NOT.KIDDING!
I'm scared to fail.
I'm scared of injury.
I'm scared of the training.
I'm scared of not being perfect.
I'm scared of not meeting my goal time.
2015 was supposed to be my year.
June, July and August came and went. I could have trained for the October Twin Cities Marathon, but I didn't. I was comfortable in my 13 mile bubble. Long runs consisted of 10 miles and great conversation and most days the runs were fun. I blamed an injury in July that kept me from not running for three weeks, I used a girlfriends injury as an excuse not to train. I used my kids as an excuse not to train. Fear. Golum. Excuses.
Maybe my goal finish time is unrealistic: 4 hours. Some may think I'm crazy. I've finished a half marathon in under 2 hours... so I should be able to finish a marathon in double the time.....right?? Not exactly. My friend, who is also a seasoned veteran when it comes to marathons, said you need to reevaluate your goal to be "just to finish."
"Just to Finish." Why does that sound like a negative? I don't mean that she meant it negative. She was trying to give me confidence no doubt, but in my head just to finish wasn't good enough. Hence... Golum. There he is again. Fear.
Some days I think about the marathon as a task to be completed.
Some days I think about the marathon as a pain in my ass.
Some days I think about the marathon as a life-changing event.
Some days I think about the marathon as something unreachable.
Some days I think about the marathon as a time-sucker because I spend so much time worrying about the damn thing.
Some days I just THINK about the marathon.
I wasn't kidding when I said that I think about running a marathon. EVERY.DAMN.DAY!!
2016 is my year. No excuses. I will face Golum head on. I will train. I WILL. (I sound like an under armour ad. Lol!)
PS: Henry is still afraid of Golum, but only got up once last night at 1:30AM for me to lay with him.